Amsterdam
by thoreaufan4
Summary: You came along and you cut me loose..." Amsterdam by Coldplay. Lucas Scott is currently serving his tour in Iraq. The blood he has seen, the screams he has heard will change him. Maybe destroy him. Who will cut him loose?
1. Chapter 1

6:00 p.m Iraq

"Hey man." Jimmy said to Lucas, patting him on the back. "Tough day?" Jimmy asked as Lucas mumbled and remained silent.

"Yeah." Lucas briefly answered. Avoiding eyes with his only true close freind on the grounds.

Jimmy was used to his lack of responses. Ever since that day, the whole group has remaind silent and distant. Chills ran through his back as he thought of those days events. So trying hard to put that aside, Jimmy sat down and put a basketball in front of Lucas. Knowing basketball was the only real cure for his bad moods.

"Come on man. I bet you I'll beat your ass this time. I mean..." Looking at his biceps. " have you seen these guns?"

Jimmy frowned as Lucas remained silent. Just as he was about to try again Jack showed up and slammed his tray on the table.

"Boy you know one day I'm going to beat that Sully's ass!" Jack shouted, while stuffing his face with chili. "Why does he have to be a hard ass all the fuckin time? I mean I was only joking."

"What did you say now?" Jimmy groaned. He knew how Sully never let things go, and how he bugged the shit out of him when he complained about Jack.

"Whellheshoew..."

"Stop. Swallow." After seeing Jack swallowing, "Go ahead."

"What I saying was that he was showing a picture of his family. And he pointed out his mom right, and all I said 'Damn, is that why your back is so fuckin messed up? Because you had to be hugged all your life by that pile of fat ass."

Jimmy hit him on the back of the head."Shit man you said that! Great now Sully is never going to forget that. Do you know how many times he bugs the shit out of me because of you?!"

"Well, I was just joking. There was no need to punish this beautiful face." Jack said while rubbing his black eye.

By this conversation, Lucas couldn't help but smile. He shook his head and said, "Come on Jim, lets see what those bicepes can handle."

Jimmy smiled brightly. "You're on scrawny ass. Come on Jack, you can be my witness when I beat this sp called basketball star"

Heading off to the basketball court... well actually the abandoned area behind the garbage cans, Luc and James played one on one basketball. Of course Lucas slaughtered him, just like he always does, but that doesn't stop them from having a good time. A time where they could not think of the day's events and just focus on screwing around. Its no lie that its hard to let go of what has happened in all of these soldier's time here. Its no lie that all of them stay up all night thinking if they can ever be themselves again. Well, maybe thats just how Lucas Scott's time has been here. All the violence hes witnessed, all the blood he has seen. You probaly thinking well this is what he signed up for. This is what he wanted to do with his life. And your right....he did have the choice. And he made it.

Of course every soldier says that they're doing this for their counrty. To protect the lives of their loved ones. But underneath all that... there is another reason. A reason to just leave... to forger... to runaway from their life back at home. Well maybe for not every soldier.. but for Lucas. People always talk about how Lucas Scott never seems to talk about his home. About the ones he left behind. People say maybe he is an orphan, or he is a runaway.

But the real reason is just he has nothing to say. His mom died 2 years ago. Karen Roe was her name. And she was the best mom anyone could have. Loving, genuine, an all around beautiful person inside and out. She died of breast cancer. Lucas remembers the night she died. It was a cool winter day, with the stars shining against the moonlight. He remembers how she said she was proud of him, proud of who he was. And to make promise that he would find his bliss in life. And he thought he did with a one of a kind Brooke Davis. Brooke. She was the complete opposite of Lucas Scott. Confident, beautiful, full of this certain energy. God knows why she was with him, but Lucas was eternaly grateful for her. She made him laugh, loosen up, live.

But she couldnt find a way to help Lucas after his mom died. She didnt realize that something in him died as well. He felt sad. Lonely. Angry. So he left. No note, no phone call, just his necklace laying on her doorstep. Of course he felt like shit for doing this. For giving up the only thing in his life that gave him meanig. But he felt like it was the right thing to do. To give her up, and let her be with someone who could give her everything. To find her bliss. And he knew he couldn't give that to her.

So as Luc and Jimmy play on the so called basketball court, everything drifts away. Not fully, not forever, just for a few hours. The stars shine, the wind whistles. Little did they know that tomorrow will be the worst day of their lives.

Luc and Jim finsh playing and start heading back to their tents. "Whatever, man you know I was taking it easy on you." Jimmy said while wiping the sweat off from his brow.

Lucas just smiled and nodded. They arrive at their tents and go to their bunks. Lucas takes off his shirt leaving his bruises and scars visible. Their not as bad as some other guys, but there not too good either. So Lucas takes out his favorite the novel Catcher in the Rye, which he's read about ten times.

"You know you've read that book like a hundred times already." Jimmy say laughing as he too craws into his bunk.

"Yeah... I know but its something to get my mind clear. "You know?"

Jimmy nodded, and drifted off to sleep. Lucas opens his book to the page where Brooke's picture lies. He looks over it for a minute. He always loved her smile, with her cute dimples. Even though he left, he never stopped thinking about her. About how she's doing, and what she's up to. He thought about writing a letter to her, to tell her that he drafted into the army. He always feels guilty about not telling her. Maybe he could write to Haley or Nathan so they could tell her.

He sighs. She probably doesn't want to hear from him anyway. She's probably moved on and forgot about him. But still he thinks she deserves to know about where he is. What he's doing. That maybe one day he wont get the chance to tell her hes sorry in person. Or that he loves her and forever will. But a voice in his head says she's better off not knowing. It will be easier that way.

He sighs again, and puts his book away knowing he wont be able to read tonight. He turns off his light and drifts off to a forced sleep. Bombs heard far away, footsteps of the late patrol sound. Wind gusting. For Lucas Scott all he wants is his life to make sense.

_This situation's killing me  
It's got me right under the thumb  
I don't know where I want to be  
This doesn't make no sense at all  
You're quoting every single line  
I spoke too much but I was old before my time, you told me_

I want my life to make more sense  
I want my life to make amends  
I want my life to make more sense to me

This road is crooked cracked and wrong  
They got the odds staked nice and high  
I don't know how they get along  
Me, I just internalize  
You can imagine what they'd say  
Given the choice if I could fight or walk away, I'm walking

You see I want my life to make more sense  
I want my life to make amends  
I want my life to make more sense to me

I want my life to make more sense  
I want my life to make more sense to me

So let me take you by the hand  
And lead you through this troubled mind  
You said yourself we had a plan  
To get us all back to the line  
We talk about it everyday  
But we keep forgetting what it was we came to say  
Now don't we

I want my life to make more sense  
I want my life to make amends  
I want my life to make more sense to me  
My life to make amends


	2. World Wide Suicide

"Lucas.....Lucas. Can you hear me?"

"Lucas...."

2 Hours Earlier.

"Jesus, is it always fuckin 120 degrees out here." Jack said wiping sweat of his brow.

"Yep." Lucas calmy answered.

Their team was currently patroling near an abandoned alley deep in the city. Thick air, a small breeze, distant sounds of sirens, otherwise it was quiet.

"Uhh. what are we looking for anyway? I mean there is only abandoned house here, thats it."

Jimmy answered while still looking at his surroundings. "Someone reported a threat over here. They said they saw some guys in trucks came in here."

Jack sighed again. This was their normal routine. Patrolling for hours in abandoned streets, warehouses, apartments. Sometimes in the middle of the nowhere.

Crack.

"What was that?"

"Scott, Johnson (Jack) check it out." Seargant Miles commanded."

"Yes sir!" They both replied. They slowly walked to the opening in the wall. They both checked if it was clear. Jack nodded to Lucas to go on. They both went on slowly checking every inch of every surface, and wall. "Clear!" Jack yelled checking around the corner.

"Clear!" Lucas replied also.

"Sir, all clear up here." Jack yelled down where Seargant Miles was. "Maybe it was just the wind." He added to Luc.

Then it turned really quiet. The wind stopped, the sirens dissapeared completely. The only thing heard was the loud breathing from Jack.

Lucas looked annoyingly to Jack. "What! I have asthma problems!" Jack answered defensively.

Lucas shook his head. Then all of a sudden cries came from the building across from them.

BOOM.

Massive gunshots filled the thick air. "TAKE COVER!" Seargant Miles screamed.

Lucas and Jack ran behind a old car. Lucas quickly looked to the rooftop across of them. He spotted 5 men. One in the corner firing east near where Searg was. Quickly he took his gun, and aimed.

He fired. The guy fell forward over the rooftop, and hit the ground. He then moved to the other car to get a better angle. Two guys on the balcony of the same building. He aimed. But suddenly another explosion sounded. The bomb blasted in the apartment behind him. He fell forward.

After a few moments of just lying there, Lucas finally got back up. He looked behind him and saw the buliding he was just in in flames. Blur came to his vision. He then saw Jimmy and Jack firing shots at the men still in the balcony.

"LUCAS! ARE YOU OKAY?" Jimmy shouted from the car he was covering behind.

"YEAH!" Lucas shouted back still rubbing the back of his head. He looked at his retreating hands and saw blood.

"HOLD ON WE'RE COMING! CAN YOU COVER ME?"

Lucas nodded. And resumed his place. He started to fire like crazy at where the two guys, now 5 were standing. Jimmy came from behind him.

"HERE." Jimmy said giving him more amo. "SEARG IS DEAD LUC. WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!"

Lucas looked behind him he saw Jack still firing at now Iraqi men coming in the distance. Then he looked in horror as he saw Jack fly back.

"JACK! JACK!" Jimmy screamed as he too saw Jack fall back. "COVER ME LUC. I'M GOING TO CHECK ON HIM"

Lucas could only nod. Quickly getting over what he saw he focused back on the balcony. Tears in his eyes.

"TAKE THIS YOU FUCKIN BASTARDS!" Lucas fired like mad. The two men flew forward and hit the ground. He then fired at the other three. He quickly took them out.

He then looked back and saw Jimmy crouching beside Jack. Gunshots still firing everywhere. But then something from afar caught his eye. But he was distracted when Jimmy screamed something at him.

"LUC COME HERE, AND LOOK AFTER JACK! I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE GUYS NEAR WEST SIDE! HURRY, I'LL COVER YOU!"

Lucas quickly ran to where Jim and Jack were as soon as Jimmy started to fire. He crouched beside Jack and saw that bullet hit his left shoulder. He put his hands on the wound to stop the bleeding.

"LUC TAKE CARE OF JACK, AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!" Jimmy shouted as he ran towards west to where the rest of the team was.

Lucas glances at Jack. "Hey man, your going to okay. Your going to be okay."

Jack opened his eyes. "Luke?" He tried to sit up.

"Hey man relax. I need to stop the bleeding." Lucas calmy said.

"Ah fuck. You know what I take back what I said earlier. I like boring. I really enjoy our fuckin boring patrols."

Lucas laughed. "Well you know after you bandaged up, we'll take all the boring patrols you want."

"I'd like that." Jack smiled slighlty.

Lucas remained to press his hand on Jack's wound. It wasn't that bad. Well, to what he witnessed a month ago. He then looked for Jimmy. He could slightly see him and the other guy near the wall, but not really. He then looked closely near the team. A small figure stepped out of the abandoned apartment right near Jimmy and the team. It was a little boy. The boy stared back at Lucas. He had gorgeous big brown eyes that look like they have seen the world at its horrific moments. But why was this little kid standing in the middle of warfare so calmly. Lucas then looked to what he was holding. A big package. Lucas eyes widen. A bomb. Lucas quickly took his hands away from Jack's shoulder and grabbed his gun. He then aimed his gun at the small, little boy. He looked into those big brown eyes again. His finger on the trigger. He hesitates...

BOOM!

Current Time...

"Lucas... Lucas can you hear me."

"Lucas.... Son..."Dr. Alexander asks. He sighs as Lucas Scott remained unconscious. He was used to these 20 year old kids rolling in here. They were currenltly in a tent in Iraq. A chopper was on its way to transfer Lucas Scott back to the states to get some better treatment. Him and another kid were the only two surivivors of the attack today.

"Are you okay sir."

Dr. Alexander remains unresponsive. He just stares at the other bodies on the beds in the tent. He looked at all of them slowly. Studied the faces of the fallen. He thought about what their moms, wives, kids are doing right now. How they're going on with their lives at home, not having a single clue of what's happend. He thought about when the two soldiers arrived at his doostep. He was ten years old. He was playing cars with his brother. They heard the knock and raced to the door to open it. Two marine soldiers appeared, and asked for their mother. He doesn't remember after that. Doesn't remeber what his mom said, but that she was crying. Soon he, and his little brother cried too.

"It never leaves you." Dr. Alexander says to himself.

"What sir?"

Dr. Alexander sighs again. "Nothing son." He then hears the chopper coming. The loud thundering noise erupts from the brown foggy skies.

"Sir, is he going to make it."

"I don't know." He responds truthfully. Two soldiers come in asking which one is Lucas. He points to Lucas's direction, and soon they carry him to the chopper. Dr. Alexander steps out slowly looking on as the the helicopter takes off.

"Take care Lucas Scott. And hopefully never come back here." Dr Alexander mutters to himeself. And waves to the pilots. He then heads back to his own tent, and calls his wife...

6 Months Later...

Its a cold rainy day at Washington's Samuels Hospital. In room 843 lies a blond haired, blue eyed soldier. Lucas Scott. He's currently awake and watching an old black and white movie. Lucas remained in a coma for the first 2 months here in the hospital. When he first woke up, he saw the plain white walls that surround his room. Alone. So he remained still, confused of where he was. The nurse walked in, and jumped when she saw his eyes open. He asked what happened, where was he. Few minutes passes until the doctor showed up. He hestitated, but slowly told what happened. After the doctor said he was the one of the two survivors he said nothing. Nothing for 4 months...

Sarah, Lucas's nurse walked in. "Hey, Mr. Scott. How are you feeling today?" she said with her usual cheery voice.

Of course Lucas remained silent, but she was used to it. "Let me just get you more comfortable. I don't how you can lay on these uncomfortable pillows all day. I've told the hospital to get new ones, but they also seem to ignore me. So rude, these people." Sarah continues to ramble as she fixes his pillows. She was careful not to hit his right shoulder. It was dislocated in the blast. And he also suffered a major concussion in the back of his head, and some severe blows to his abdomen.

"So what will it be today? Pudding again." She asks already knowing the answer.

Lucas gives her a slight nod, and she almost caught him with a slight smile, but then a second goes by and its gone.

"I'll be right back."

Lucas again stares back at the t.v. He remembers back in Iraq, him Jack and Jimmy used to watch these old movies in the tent. The tv didn't have sound the whole time Jack and Jim would fill in the words . He remembers how hilarious it was with Jack's little girl impersonations were. With that memory filling through his mind, a frown appears and quickly changes the channel. He stops at an old Lakers Celtics basketball game.

"I'm baa...aack. Look, I even stole you some extras." She opened all the lids and placed on the table laying on the bed. She sat down and carefully fed Lucas, as he was still to weak to move his body.

The rain comes to stop. The sun finally appears behind the gray clouds and lightens the plain white hospital room of 843. Slowly a rainbow appears in the dark skies. The vibrant colors showed for a few seconds, but then the sun dissapears and its starts to pour again.

This was a normal typical day in room 843, as Lucas and Sarah watch the classic 1984 series between the Celtics and Lakers. The crowds cheers filled the room as Larry Bird scores for Boston.

"So you like basketball?" Sarah asked hoping to receive anything in return.

Lucas still staring at the tv gives a nod.

Sarah sighs. Dr. Roberts said to try to get him to talk. He says that it will be good for him, since no one has come in to visit him in the last 6 months. They asked him if he wanted to call anyone, but he didn't answer.

She's surprised when he quietly mutters. "Do you...do you know...who was... the other...other survivor."He asks ever so quietly, that Sarah needs to get closer to hear him completely. She looks at him as he is still staring at the t.v.

"I'm sorry...I don't know. They haven't told us anything yet." She guiltly answers. She knows how much he wants to know. If the survivor was one of his buddies. Her heart breaks as she saw a tear roll down his check. She has never seen any type of reaction from him, the whole she has been here.

A few silence minutes pass. They watched as the game concluded, and the Boston Celtics cheering loudly as they just won the Championship game. Quickly she thinks to say something that will make him feel better.

"More pudding?" And as she grins again when she sees Lucas small smile appear, inside she thinks he is going to get better. He's going to be okay. He's going to be okay.

Sure the hospital is the probably the most depressing building in a city. Seeing family ones drop to the floor as they just got the bad news. The smell of sick and dead bodies unwantedly fills the air. But underneath all those depressing cons about hospitals, there is a sense of hope. A hope that rises when you see your loved one open their eyes. Or when little sick kids playing video games with each other. Or the small smile that appears on the old, when they listen to their children trying to cheer them up after they've had surgery.

Hope.

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: You don't give up."


	3. A Bad Day, A Better Day, A Strange Day

3 months later Washington Hospital Release Day

"Here, let me help you." Sarah said to Lucas as he was struggling to put his jacket on.

After spending more than 9 months in the hospital Lucas Scott was finally released from the hospital. Wounds healed, but the scars remain...

"Thanks." Lucas whispered.

"So this is it." Sarah said lookin at him. She remembers when she first saw him in the hospital room. She knows she's not supposed to be emotionally involved, but she couldn't help it.

Lucas nodded. He reached for his bag with his free right arm, as his left was in a sling.

He walked to the door. Then he paused.

"Thank you....for everything." He said in his raspy voicestill facing the door.

"Just take care of youself, okay. I don't want you to see you here again." She said with a strained voice, trying hard not to cry. "So where are you headed?" She asked

"I ... I don't know." He answered truthfully.

"Well can I give you some advice? Go home." She gently said. "I'm sure your friends would love to see you."

"Bye."

"Bye." Sarah said waving her hand. Knowing this will be the last time she'll see Lucas Scott. She turned around and stared at the empty bed. She sighed, turned out the lights, and closed the door. She then sat on the chair and closed her eyes. She then put coins in the pay phone right next to her.

"Hey, it's me....no no I'm fine. Just promise me something...never join the army okay..." Lucas sighed. And he walked slowly out the door and to the exit. He waited at the bus stop outside the hospital. Home. Sure, he though about going to Tree Hill, but somehow he doesn't know about seeing everyone. He doesn't even know if Haley and Nathan still live there anyway. He ran his hand through his spiky blond hair. But,...where else would he go.

After a few minutes, he realised he had to go back. Not to see everyone, he knows he's not ready for that. But,.. to somehow start over. And he knew he could do that in Tree Hill.

The bus arrived. And he headed to the airport.

6 hours later...

Lucas was currently at the beach in Tree Hill. He had just landed a couple of hours ago. Not knowing where he was going, he just wandered around the town he grew up in. And somehow, he arrived at the beach. He stared at the dark blue waters, as the sun started to set. Orange, pink, and red clouds covered the skies. It was a truly beautiful sight. Where Lucas Scott could forget...just for a little while.

After the sun went down, the winds blew and howled. Lucas slowly got up, put his army duffel bag on his right should and walked across the sands.

30 minutes passed and Lucas arrived at a small motel. He paid the guy money for the night, knowing he'll find a permanent place tomorrow.

He walked to his room. He flicked on the lights, and sighed as they didn't light up. He then walked to the bathroom, and the lights in there didn't flick on either. He just gave up and lied on the bed. Knowin, he wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. He stared at the ceiling. Images flashed in his head. Screams. Blood. Jimmy... He rolled on his side pressing his right hand against his face, tryong to block them out. Tears running down his from his now, dull grey-blue eyes.

Morning awoke. The sun shining, the birds singing an incredibly annoying tune. To most people it was a start to a beautiful autumn day, but to a certain 24 year old soldier it didn't quite bring him that mood.

Angrily, Lucas took a quick shower and got his bags and left the motel. He walked slow, with exhaustion shown clearly in his eyes. He stopped. He just noticed that this was where his mom's old cafe was. It has been replaced by an old styled diner. He looked inside and saw barely anyone in there, so he walked inside. He sat on end of the bar, while looking around. The walls had been redone, furniture moved, furniture added, this place was a complete stanger to him. Few memories crossed his mind, but were interrupted as the waitress came by.

"Good morning sir. How can I help you today." The waitress said in a cheery voice.

"Just a coffee." Lucas whispered avoiding eye contact. "To go." He added as suddenly he felt he needed to get out of there.

Just as he got his coffee, he headed to the beach again. He walked over to the docks, and saw a big fisherman's boat just arriving. He remembers as a kid how he loved boats and the water. The walks he took right after school so he could see all the boats departing and arriving. He always dreamed of maybe owning a boat, and to just...escape from the world. Escape.

A guy with a frusterated look on his face, as Lucas saw a smoke coming from his boat. The guy's eyes then landed on Lucas's.

"Hey you!" Lucas pointed to himself. "Yea, you! Can you lend a hand, we need some helping starting the boat back up."

Lucas paused. Sure he had worked as a mechanic when he was in high school, but that was... cars.

"Please." THe guy begged.

Lucas nodded, knowing the guy wouldn't take a no for an answer. Lucas then took off his sling and put it in is bag. Knowing it would bother him.

"Great! Come this way" "Oh, bye the way I'm Paul." The guy said as he shook Lucas's hand. The arrived at the back of his boat. "You see, I've tried everything, but nothing seems to work."

Lucas studied the engine. He remembered as he worked in the mechanic shop. He then grabbed the screwdriver and started to work on it.

"Hey Paul! Can you hurry up, my wife is going to be fuckin pist if I'm home late!" A worker shouted from the side of the fairy.

"Jesus, can you hold on a miunute!" shouted Paul. "It's your own fuckin fault, that this shit is broken!"

"My fault! My fault! Your the one decided to go through that storm. Everybody said don't risk it, but of course you just fuckin ran on through!

Paul rolled his eyes. He always wonderd how he stuck with his wimpy crew.

"Okay, done." Lucas said calmly.

Paul stared astonishedly at Lucas. He then shouted at Drew (crew member) "Drew, start it up!"

"Yes sir!" And surprisingly the boat started up.

"How did you fuckin do that? I've been trying that for hours." Paul asked Lucas.

Lucas just shrugged. He then handed Paul the tools, and started to walk away.

Paul still starting at the spot where Lucas was, thought he could really use a mechanin on board.

"Hey." Lucas stopped and turned around. "We could really use a guy like you on board. The pay is good, but you have to travel on board a lot. You interested?"

Lucas thought about it. He really needed the job, but was he up for it. He rubbed his injured soldier, thinking about the risks to injuring it more. Hell he thought, he needed the money.

"Sure." Lucas said shrugging.

"Great! Be here tomorrow at 8:00 in the morning. And uh..make sure to bring some warm clothes. News say there's going to be a storm tomorrow.

Lucas nodded and walked away. Well, what started off as a bad day, seemed to be getting better.

6 Hours Later...

It was 5:00 at night in the town of Tree Hill. The sun started to set, as Lucas walked on the infamous River Court.

He just moved in a small rundown apartment, but it was better than that motel. He was kind of excited tomorrow going on the boat. Sure it wasn't shark hunting, but it's sill an adventure. He put his sling back on, even though it bugged him a lot. Then he realised that on the boat he can't wear it, or he might lose his job. So he hopes it... doesn't land him in the hospital again.

He walks around the court, that was his second home back then. All the times he played games with Skills, Junk, all the other guys. The times where he just laid on the court, and stared at the stars. He thought about Brooke, and how they spent days here with him trying and failing to teach her to play basketball. Her laugh, her smile filled his mind. He's knocked out of his daydream, as a little kid comes running his way, tears in his eyes.

The little kid looked like a minature version of Lucas Scott. Blond hair, big blue eyes. He was crying, looking lost.

Lucas walked slowly to him, and crouched so they were at equal heights.

"Hey kid, are you lost?... Where is your mom or dad?" Lucas asked.

" They're...at..home." The little boy said with difficulty as he was crying so hard. "I ran..away..they were fighting... again."

Lucas looked hopelessly around, he didn't know what to do.

"Hey...what's your name?" Lucas asked trying to make him stop crying.

"Jamie." Jaime whispered after calming down.

"Jaime. Thats a very cool name. So Jaime, do you think you know your way back home."

Jaime thought about it. "Yea, I think so."

"Great. How bout I walk with you there, okay."

"But...I don't wanna go back." Jaime whined, tears coming back in his eyes.

"I know buddy, but you have to go back home. I bet you parents are worrying sick about you."

"But they're always fighting. I don't like it when they fight."

Lucas looked sadly at the little boy.

"Look, I bet if you go back home, and you tell them this. You tell them what you told me, they're going to stop fighting, okay"

Jaime paused, and thought about it. "Okay"

"Okay. Let's go." Lucas said as Jaime led him the way to his house.

Same time at Haley's and Nathan's house...

"How could you not see him go out of the house Nathan!" Haley screamed.

"Me, what about you." Nathan screamed back. "Look..." Nathan said calmy. "he's probably around the street somewhere, okay? I really need to go, to pick up Brooke from the airport." Nathan said as he hugged Haley.

Haley nodded. "Okay I'll look for him at the park or something. Just come back quick, okay." Haley said with tears in her eyes.

Nathan nodded, and picked up his keys and walked to his car.

Haley sat down on the couch distraught. "Jaime, where are you?"

15 miunutes passed...

"Wow! You were really in the army?!" Jaime asked, with glee in his bright blue eyes.

"Yea." Lucas chuckled as they still headed to Jaime's house.

"Wow, that's soooo cool. Do you go in those big helichlopters?"

"Helicopters. Yea, maybe some day I can show you some pictures."

"Really?" Jaime asked ethuiastically.

"Well, if your parents approve, sure. Jeez, little man how long did you run for?" Lucas asked, noticing the now pitch black skies.

"Umm...I'm not sure." Jaime laughed. "Oh! There it is!" Jaime pointed to a big white house on the corner of the street.

They walked from a few feet from the door, as Jaime stopped.

"Why are you stopping." Lucas asked. "Is this the right house?"

"Umm...can we go get ice cream or something?" "Please." Jaime asked as he saw Lucas's stern expression.

"Jaime." Lucas said sternly. "Look, I know you probably don't like you parents right now, but trust me they love you. And think about how much it would hurt them, if don't come back. Okay? Just tell them what you tole me, and trust me things will look up."

Jaime was still looking uncertain, so Lucas reached in his jacket. He hoped that it was still in his pocket. It was, so he took it out and held a little pin, that he was awarded back in Iraq.

"Whoa, what is that." Jaime said as he looked at the medal.

"It's a medal ribbon...and uh...it symbolizes strength and bravery. And uh..I think you should have it." Lucas said as he handed Jamie one of his ribbons.

"Whoa...thanks Lucas." Jaim grabbed the ribbon tightly in his little fist, as he hugged Lucas.

"Your welcome buddy. Now go on, your mom is probably having a panic attack." Lucas said as he gently pushed Jaime to his house.

"Your not coming?" Jaime asked.

"Nah, but maybe some other day okay."

"Promise?"

Lucas paused. Will he?

"Promise." Lucas said. And he saw Jaime go through the front door of his house. He heard what was probably Jaime's mother screaming. Weirdly, Jaime's mom's voice sounded familar. His stomach turned, because it sounded like Haley. Dismissing that thought, Lucas slowly retreated back to his apartment.

A small smile appeared on Lucas Scott's scarred but still handsome face. He thought maybe he wasn't completely useless after all.

Then a car passed and drove to the driveway. A man walked out quickly, and ran to the house while talking on the cellphone. Lucas's stomach dropped. Nathan. Then out of the passenger's door came out a woman with brown hair. Her face hidden in the pitch black darkness in the sky. But as she walked with what looked like 5 hugh suitcases, into the light by the door, he face was purely shown. His stomach dropped once again. Three in row, Jesus he was lucky he didn't pass out. Brooke. He stared at her as she too quickly ran to the house. He heard joyful cries of relief, as Lucas shook his head. Knowing he should get out of there soon, he quickly walked away.

What turned to a bad day, to a better day, to now which is a very very bizarr and remotely exhausting day for Lucas Scott.

Well can't wait for tomorrow, he thinks.

Same time in Haley's and Nathan's house...

"Daddy!" Jaime said as he ran to his dad.

"Jesus, son. Don't you ever run off like that again!"

Jaime nodded, as he hugged. "Aunt Brooke!" Jaime detached himself from his dad and ran to his favorite aunt.

"Hey handsome. Now, is it true that you ranaway." Brooke asked sternly.

"Yes." Jaime replied guilty in Brooke's neck.

"Now honey,... why would you runaway?"

Jaime shrugged. But then replied quietly, "I just.. hate it when they fight... I think it's because of me."

Haley and Nathan looked shocked as Jaime admitted he felt responsible.

"Jaime, when your daddy and I fight, it's has nothing to do with you, okay? Come here." Haley said, and Jaime hugged both of his parents.

"Where did you find him Hales?" Nathan asked as he walked to the couch.

"I didn't find him. He showed up here. Jaime, where did you go anyway?"

Jaime paused and cringed, knowing his parents are not going to like what he's going to say. "Umm..well..just to the rivercourt." Jaime said looking down.

"THE RIVERCOURT!" Haley yelled. She rubbed her tired eyes. "Jaime, do you realize you could have kidnapped, or hit by a car, or something."

"Well, Lucas was with me." Oops.

"Jaime, what did I say talking to stra..." Haly stopped, realizing as she heard Lucas.

All three of them looked at eachother. Lucas.

"Ummm...Jaime, what did Lucas looked like." Haley quietly asked, as Brooke left the room, not wanting to hear the answer.

"Um... he was really tall like daddy. And...had messy blond like me, and blue eyes. Oh... and he had a big scar on his face, which looked really cool,and .... he had something on his arm."

Haley looked shockingly at Nathan. No, it couldn't be, they both silently thought. Was Lucas really back?"

Currently Brooke was in the bathroom, and heard every word of Jaime's answer. She ran her hands through her long brown hair, and mumbled to herself.

"Well, what a great start for my now ruined vacation."


	4. Long Nights

Same Night

Lucas finally made it to his apartment. It was a rundown piece of shit, but... at least it was something. He sighed, and rested on his lopsided bed. Thoughts about the day he's had couldn't escape his mind, no matter how much he tried to drain it out...

Three Hours Later

"NO! JIMMY! JIMMY!" Lucas screamed as he was sucked in a flashback of that fateful day. Tears fell from his dull blue eyes, as he shook. He looked at his hand and saw blood. Then he saw Jimmy standing right in front of him.

"Lucas. Hey Luc, want to play some ball? Come on man, I gotta beat you someday!"

Lucas stared at him. Then he saw the little boy again. His big brown eyes shining, as he was holding the bomb.

Boom.

"Jimmy!" Lucas awoke screaming. He looked around searching, but failing to see Jimmy. It was just a dream. A nightmare. He angrily threw a lamp at the wall, wanting these nightmares to stop. It was so... real. Like he was there again. He knew that little boy... that cute little boy would be the ghost that will forever haunt him. Guilt, raged through him. Guilt.

He grabbed his head, tears still falling. Takind deep breaths, he tried to calm down. The doctors said that he would have trouble sleeping, and would suffer from painful migrands. He reached for the pills in his bag, but couldn't find them. He tried to think where he put them. The bathroom. He walked slowly to the bathroom, and indeed found the pills on the counter. He took two, and followed by swallowing the icy water from the sink. He looked in the mirror, as he did this. The scar glaring in the piercing white light. He cupped his hands under the sink, and splashed water on his face.

A knocking disrupted him...

"Shit." Lucas mumbled as he answered the door. It was the landlord asshole.

"What the hell was that noise, son! It's your first night here, and you already drawn complaints. Jesus, I think you just made a fuckin record! Another noise out of this apartment, and you're outta here! You got that, kid?"

Lucas nodded, and silently closed the door.

He rubbed his head once again, as it was still pounding madly. He sighed as he just sat on the couch, and turned on the t.v. He endlessly flipped through the channels, and finally landed on Seinfeld. The audience's laughs filled the room. Ironically, Lucas's migrand started to fade away. Maybe people were right, comedy was the best cure. He continued to watch, as this episode showed that the characters were lost in parking garage. He let a small smile appear, as he thought of Brooke always forgetting where she parked her car, whenever she forced him to go shopping. Brooke...

The Next Morning...

It was 4:00 a.m as Lucas got up and took a shower. It was habit, as everyday even in the hospital he would get up at exactly 4:00 a.m.

After he got ready, he realized that he would be about 4 hours early for work. Shrugging, he thought he could just relax on the beach.

4 Hours Later

"Hey, good you made it." Paul said as Lucas walked up to the boat.

"Yea. Thanks for the job." Lucas said as he followed Paul on the boat.

"No problem kid. Hey Lucas I would like you to meet Alex and Johnny."

"Hey man." Alex said. "So Paul, tells me your a hell of a mechanic."

Lucas shrugged, as Paul started the boat, and off they went into the distance of the deep blue waters. Like Lucas always dreamed of, to escape from the world. Well, his world.

About 10 Hours Later 6:30 p.m.

The boat was currently about a mile away from the beach. The clear, blue skies now turned orange and red, as Lucas looks on from the front of the boat. It has been a long day, with spending hours on the waters, searching for fish. But somehow it was exactly what Lucas needed. Silence. Patience. No stress, no frusturation, just plain contempt.

As Lucas looked on, he saw a figure on the beach. With the boat heading closer to the docks, the figure started to appear in clear focus. Lucas heart dropped, as he saw Brooke sitting on the sand alone. He looked around frantically, searching for way to go unnoticed.

"Hey man. Tough day, huh." Johnny laughed as he saw Lucas covered in soot.

Lucas shrugged, showing a small smile. "I've had worse." He said softly.

Johnny nodded, as he was now getting use to Lucas's brief answers. He was a smart kid, he thought, he should be doing something more than this. More than this lifestyle, he has known for so long. The long hours, the low pay, time spent away from you wife and kids. It's hard. But as long as he could provide for his family, he would tough it out.

"Lucas, great job today man! Let me tell you, how many guys quit on their first day here." Paul stated as he patted Lucas on the shoulder. They arrived finally at the docks, as Lucas tried to leave quickly without being rude.

"Thanks. So same time tomorrow?" Lucas asked quickly.

"Yes, but make sure to get some rest. We'll be heading home a lot later than today."

Lucas nodded, as he ran off.

Paul laughed. "Jesus, that kid still has energy. So, what'd you think?"

"He's alright. Very distant, though." Johnny answered.

"Yea, but at least he's not a pain in the ass, like little Alex here."

"Hey! I just want to know that I'm not screwing something up here, like you. No harm in asking questions." Alex answered defensively.

Paul patted Alex on the shoulder. "It's okay son. Come on, let's go home."

Meanwhile...

Lucas put his hood on, as ironically he had to pass Brooke to exit the beach. She was sitting alone, just staring at the sea. He passed her on her right to go straight to the exit. Thankfully she didn't even look his way. He stopped...

Lucas turned around and looked at Brooke again. She seemed to sad, which was always rare for Brooke. But once again, he hasn't seen her for three, or about four years. She could be a whole different person, than the girl he met in high school. He thinks about everyday. More in Iraq, because he always wondered if he had another chance to tell he's sorry. Literally, he had to dream awake to see her. To see her smile, her hazel eyes. And here she was, sitting literally a few feet away from him. He took a step forward...but then stopped. What was he thinking? That she would greet him with open arms?! Knowing her, she would probably hurt him or throw a fit. Like that one day, she fuckin threw her heel at him. It wasn't even his fault... well it doesn't matter now.

"Stupid." He mumbled to himself, as he once again turned away from Brooke Davis. She probably has moved on, which was great. And... he didn't want to cause drama or burden her life. He left, and now has to live with that decision. It was for the best. It was for the best... Right?

Brooke's Position

Brooke Davis was currently sitting alone on the beach at sunset. You may ask why? Well, the truth was she needed some air. She felt suffocated at Haley and Nathan's place. Haley giving her encouraging looks all the time, asking her if she was okay every freakin minute. She was fine. Fine. I mean it could have been a different Lucas. Right? She had finally moved on from him. Well, she thought. She has a boyfriend, and a great job in New York. Then she thought would be a great relaxing vacation here with everyone and Jaime. But then, thoughts kept annoying her as she kept thinking of HIM. If it was him, that Jaime was talking about, she thought why was his arm in a sling, and had scars. But, again she hasn't seen for about four years. He probably went to jail or something. As you can tell...she's a little bitter.

She watched as a boat sailed to the shore, and as a kodak moment appeared with the sun blaring red in the background. She saw as the crew came out with bright smiles, laughing away. She wished right now she could join that conversation. Laugh at what stories their telling. She sighed, what was she doing her? She should be hanging out with Jaime. Her family. She shouldn't ruin this vacation just because of him. She was ready to go home, and to laugh with her family. But... just a few more minutes she thought. This was a truly gorgeous view...

"Stupid." She heard a man say. Great, someone just had to ruin the mood.

If someone was calling her stupid, she swore...wait Lucas?

She turned her head quickly, and she could barely make out a figure walking away in the shadows of the night.

Three Days Later...

It was a Sunday in Tree Hill. Clear blue skies, sun shining. Lucas was currently at the harware store, to get a start at painting his apartment. He looked over the hundreds of colored tabs on the shelf. Blues, reds, and greens filled his eyesight. He had no idea what color to choose. He sighs, as he stared at the shelf, which was now giving him a really big headache. Why do they have so much colors? Jesus, if they only had a few, it would easy.

"Sir, may I help you?" A girl said, while rolling her eyes, and with no ethusiasm at all.

"No thanks." Lucas said.

The girl looked at Lucas again. "Dude, you've been staring at that shelf for 15 miunutes."

Lucas looked at the girl. He could tell she was clearly annoyed, and probaly just wanted him leave. He looked at the colors again. Nope, nothing.

"What color do you like?" Lucas asked.

The girl looked at Lucas with surprise, but then looked at the shelf herself.

"I think that one will suit you nicely." She said pointing to a hot pink.

Lucas smiled. "Really?" He said picking up the color tab.

"Yep, it uhh...brings out you eyes." The girl said laughing. "Okay seriously,..." She picked up a dark marroon,"here, it's dark and depressing. I'm sure you'll love that. " She said still laughing.

Lucas looked over the color. Well, it did fit him nicely.

"Okay, I'll get two cans of that."

"You got it, Blondie."

After he bought the paint, he headed out the store. He starting walking back to his apartment...

"Lucas?!"

Lucas stopped, and smiled. He turned around and saw Jaime running towards him. His smiled started to fade, as he saw Haley and Nathan behind.

"Lucas!" Jaime screamed again as he hugged him.

"Hey buddy." He laughed as he saw ice cream all over Jaime's face. "Enjoying your ice cream."

"Oh yeah. Chocolate Chip is the best."

"Chocolate Chip huh..." He said as he saw Haley and Nathan. He stiffened.

"What are you doing here?" Nathan asked, not looking the slighest bit happy to see his older brother.

Lucas hesitated, and didn't answer. He just looked at the ground.

"What, can you not talk, or something?" Nathan said raising his voice.

Lucas ran his free hand through his hair. Still he didn't say anything, not that he didn't want to, but he didn't know what to say.

"Wait, Daddy you know Lucas?" Jaime asked, lifting the weight off Lucas's shoulders.

"Yea little man, Lucas here is your uncle." Nathan said with a smirk on his face. Hey Luc, why don't you tell Jaime where you've been for four years?

"Nathan." Haley said sternly.

"Really?! Your're my uncle. That is so awesome!" Jaime excitedly said as he hugged Lucas again.

Lucas smiled. He then looked at Haley, who was unusually quiet.

"Hey Hales." Lucas whispered. He then saw tears falling down her cheek.

"Don't you Hales me Lucas Scott! Three freakin years, and no phone call or letters. You could have been dead or went to jail or something!" She yelled at him.

Lucas looked guiltily at the ground. "I'm sorry." He cringed with his lame apology, but what else could he say.

Haley shook her head. "Sorry isn't good enough." She said, but then she noticed Lucas's slumped shoulders. "But...it's a start." She smiled, and hugged him, careful not to hit his shoulder. "Welcome home." Haley ignored Nathan's glares as she hugged him. She was still hurt, but it will make Jaime happy, and thats all that matters.

Lucas smiled as Haley hugged him. He missed her.

"Uncle Lucas, do you want come for dinner tonight. It's mac and chesse night. You gotta try mommy's mac and cheese."

"Jaime, I don't think that is a good idea. "I'm sure Lucas is very busy" Nathan argued shooting daggers at Lucas. He was not going to let Lucas screw up their lives again.

Lucas was reluctant. He wasn't really sure he was up for it, but looking at Jaime's eyes, he couldn't let him down. Let him down more, than he already has.

"Um...sure. What time?" He said, ignoring Nathan glances.

"Umm... around 7:00 would be good." Haley answered, grateful for Lucas agreeing for Jaime's sake. Even though Jaime has known him for a day, he already seems to love Lucas a lot. She wasn't so sure with Brooke....Brooke? Shit.

Back at Lucas's Apartment...

Currently Lucas was painting his apartment. He was on the ladder, painting the top of the walls. As he reached, a pain sharpened in his abdomen.

He looked down and saw vibrant red bleeding through his white shirt. He reached down and touched is wound. He then reached up, and saw blood on his hands.

_"Jack. Jack, hold on buddy. Your're going to be okay." Lucas said as he put force on Jack's wound. Lucas looked at his hands, then back at Jack's shoulder. The blood wouldn't stop. "Jack, Jack?"_

"Stop! Please stop." Lucas said as he grabbed his head. After he controlled himself, Lucas looked back at his wound.

"Shit." He mumbled, knowing he had just popped a stich.

He stepped of the ladder, and walked to the bathroom. He took of his shirt, and stared over the wound. He tried to remember what the doctor said, if this was to happen.... Ointment! So he reached in his bag and indeed saw ointment. He rubbed the alcohol on his scar, as it burned. He then started to wrap bandages around his torso. He reminds himself, not to reach for something at dinner tonight. He doesn't want Nathan to faint...

He looked back at his hands. Blood still showed. He washed, washed, and washed. Blood still showed.

He rubbed his head, a migraine pounding through his skull. He angrily turned on the shower, and leaned against the shower wall. "I'm sorry. "I'm sorry." He sobbed, as he wrapped his arms around his knees.

"I'm sorry."

3 Hours Later...

Lucas looked in the mirror as he finished dressing. He looked at his vibrant scar on his right cheek, with light scratches on his chin. He sighs, as he looked like a deadly prisoner or something. He then looked at his hands, they were still swollen and bruised after he punched the shower wall. He then pulled his sleeves of his sweatshirt to cover his hands.

"Help me." He says to himself, as he starts to walk to Haley and Nathan's house... As if on cue, a light rain starts to trickle down.

Lucas groaned. This was going to be a long, long night.

Long Nights by Eddie Vedder

Have no fear  
For when I'm alone  
I'll be better off than I was before

I've got this light  
I'll be around to grow  
Who I was before  
I cannot recall

Long nights allow me to feel...  
I'm falling...I am falling  
The lights go out  
Let me feel  
I'm falling  
I am falling safely to the ground  
Ah...

I'll take this soul that's inside me now  
Like a brand new friend  
I'll forever know

I've got this light  
And the will to show  
I will always be better than before

Long nights allow me to feel...  
I'm falling...I am falling  
The lights go out  
Let me feel  
I'm falling  
I am falling safely to the ground

Chapter 5 Preview

Dinner From Hell: Lucas and Nathan's big blowout

Lucas and Brooke's first meeting (well talking)

And Lucas thinks over some things....


	5. What Happens When The Heart Just Stops

The rain was coming down hard, as a drenched Lucas walked to his brother's house.

"This has gotta be a sign." Lucas sighed to himself.

He stopped as he reached the house. There he stood, staring at the front door, soaked. He walked slowly, and knocked on the door.

The door opened, and revealed Jaime.

"Lucas!" Jaime screamed, as he hugged Lucas. Jaime started to laugh as he got himself wet.

"Jaime, what did I say about screaming." Haley yelled. She came out of the kitchen, and laughed as she saw Lucas dripping wet along with Jaime.

"Sorry." Lucas apologized, "I.. really need to get a car."

"It's okay, let me just get you a towel. Jaime, why don't you show Lucas around."

"Okay! Come on Lucas!" Jaime said, as he pulled Lucas to his room.

They arrived at Jaime's room. A light blue covered the walls, followed by basketball posters.

"Oh! And look, there is the pin you gave me." Jaime pointed to the army ribbon laying on his shelf.

Lucas smiled, and touched the ribbon. He looked around Jaime's room, as memories of his old room looked like. Then a sudden realization occured to Lucas.

"Umm..Jaime, did you show this to your parents?"

"Well, I tried showing it to Daddy, but he didn't want to see it. I don't think he likes you." Jaime said, as he gave an innocent look to Lucas.

Lucas sighed of relief. "Okay, umm.. just don't mention it to them."

Jaime looked confused. "Why?"

"Umm..I'm just not ready for them to know. Okay?"

Jaime shrugged, "Okay. Hey you want to play video games with me.

Lucas smiled, "Sure."

"Hey, here is a towel." Haley said as she came into the room.

"Thanks."

"So, dinner will be ready in about 10 or 15 minutes. And..Nathan seemed to dissapear."

Lucas looked down. "It's okay Haley. Thanks for the towel."

"No problem, and um..Brookeisgoingtobeheartoo."

"What?" Lucas said.

"Yea...umm...about that.." The front door opened. "Haley, I'm here! "Haley?"

Brooke...

"Coming Brooke!" Haley looked at Lucas, who looked really pale. "Okay..um..just wait here until I tell her. And maybe after all the yelling has died down, you come over."

"Haley, I don't..."

"Look at the time." Haley interrupted. "I need to get back and finish dinner." Haley said as she rushed out of the room. "Jaime, be good." She added.

"Shit." Lucas mumbled.

"Come on Uncle Luc, let's play!"

Meanwhile...

"Jesus, Tutorgirl where were you?" Brooke said, as she took off her soaked coat.

"You look happy." Haley said as she put some milk in the pot.

"Yes, and you want to know why?" Not waiting for an answer, she says "Jason is coming early for Christmas!"

"Thats great." Haley said while forcing herself to smile. "Um...Brooke theres something I need to tell you."

Brooke looked at Haley. Something was up.

"What?" Brooke asked.

"Hey Haley, please me tell Lucas canceled." Nathan said as he sat on the counter.

Oops...

Brooke looked shockingly at Haley. Lucas. The Lucas.

"Nathan, he might hear you." Haley said whispering.

"Haley..." Brooke started. She was interrupted by Jaime's laughter.

Jaime's Room...

"Uncle Luc, you're really bad at this." Jaime said as he cracking up.

Lucas was laughing too, he had to admit he sucked.

"Hey!" Lucas said, "I'm not that bad, and besides you're cheating."

"I'm not cheating!" Jaime said making a serious face, but then it soon faltered.

"Umm..you call covering my eyes not cheating." Lucas said laughing.

"Oops."

Their laughter soon ended, as they heard yelling from the kitchen.

"Sounds like Aunt Brook is maaaaad." Jaime said as he looked outside his door.

Lucas rubbed his head. "Yep." He looked around, searching for a back door. He found none... shit.

The yelling died down, but was followed by a slamming door. Then after a couple seconds, there was another slam.

The kitchen...

Brooke came back after a couple seconds, as she left the house.

"The only reason I'm staying is because of the stupid, stupid rain.!" Brooke yelled as she stormed to her room.

Haley sighed, and rubbed her head. This was not as she planned.

"Well, what did you expect to happen?" Nathan said as he saw Haley stressing out.

"I don't know...maybe with a little less screaming.

"Mommy, is Aunt Brooke okay?" Jaime asked as he came into the kitchen with Lucas slowly following.

"Yeah, honey. Aunt Brooke is just a little stressed out."

"She sounded really mad. Doesn't she want to see Uncle Luc."

Haley looked at Brooke's room door. "Umm..I don't know."

"Maybe I should just go." Lucas said quietly heading to the front door.

"Yeah, that it's a good idea." Nathan added.

Haley smacked Nathan's shoulder. "No, no one is going anywhere. We're all going to stay here and eat this dinner."

Lucas looked defeated. He just really wanted to get out of here. He nodded, and sat down at the table.

"Nathan come on, help me." Haly said as she got the plates.

Nathan sighed, as he got up and helped.

They were all sitting at the table, well except for one person. Silence soon filled the room, as everyone was eating. Haley looked back at Brooke's door, but Brooke remained inside.

"So.. how is it?" Haley asked, looking at Jaime.

"It's great, mama." Jaime said as he was literally stuffing food in his mouth 50 mph.

"Yeah, it's really good Haley." Lucas said quietly, with a smile.

"Thanks, so Lucas...what brings you back to old Tree Hill?"

Lucas shrugged. "I..uh..I don't really know"

Haley nodded, "Well for whatever reason, we are really glad you came back. Right Nathan?"

Nathan stayed silent. Then he said bluntly, "What happened to your face, man? You look like you just came back from prison."

"Nathan!"

"What, it's just a question. I think we deserve to know where the hell he's been for the last four years!" He yelled at Haley. He then looked at Lucas. "Why are you here, man?"

Receiving no answer, just angered Nathan more.

"WHAT, YOU CAN'T TALK NOW! LOOK DO US ALL A FAVOR, AND JUST GO! We all moved on, we moved on just fine without you. Brooke, me, Haley... all of us."

Lucas looked down at his food. For the first time, he felt anger rise inside him. He really needed to get out of here.

"May I use your bathroom?" Lucas quietly asked, avoiding Nathan's glares.

"Sure, it's just down to your right." Haley said, with guilt in her eyes.

Lucas nodded, and got up quickly. Hearing Haley's complaints to Nathan as he walked away. He kept his eyes down, but then bumped into Brooke. He eyes never reached hers, as he apologized.

"Sorry." Lucas said roughly as he quickly went inside the bathroom. He closed the door, and slided down against it. He put his head into his hands, as it throbbed painfully. He reached for his pills in his pocket, and poured them into his hand. He stared at them. Then he put all of them into his mouth and swallowed them.

He stood up to the sink, and splashed water on to his face. He opened the bathroom door, voices ringing through his ears. Dizziness rised. His migrain throbbing harder and harder.

He went to the kitchen, and said quickly while avoiding his eyes...

"Hey..I...think I'm just gonna go."

"Look Lucas, I'm..." Haley started, then she saw Lucas's pale face. "Are you okay?" She walked towards him.

"I'm fine. I sorry..but I just need to go." He said quietly. He looked at Brooke, but then quickly looked away.

Haley nodded, and Lucas quickly went out the door.

The rain was coming down even harder. The grey clouds swarming the night's sky. Thunder roared, lightning strook.

Lucas started to run. Trying to run away from this world. This hurt. But no matter how hard and fast he ran, the pain didn't go away. It grew...

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME DIE BACK THERE? HUH? WHY DID I LIVE?" Lucas shouted, trying so desperately to get an answer. An answer to all the questions that remain unanswered, and will forever be unanswered. Those questions that tear him down everytime, as he realizes that he will never know why he is here. He feels like his heart just gave up, but in the end he is still living. Still here.

He stopped, to catch his breath. He looked forward and saw a bridge. He slowly walked on to it, and walked to the edge. He looked down at the dark, blue waters. It seemed like he was searching for something. A sign, an escape. He took a deep breath...

Meanwhile back at the house...

"Nathan, what the, Jaime cover your hears, hell is wrong with you!" Haley yelled.

"What?" Nathan asked innocently. "Look, I think it's just best for all of us if Lucas stayed out of our lives. Out of Jaime's life."

"Jaime's life. Did you see how Jaime's face lit up when he saw Lucas that day? How excited he was when Lucas was coming over? Jaime adores him!"

"Yeah, well what happens when Lucas runs off again. Huh? What will happen to Jaime? Look what it did to Brooke!"

"Hey, I'm right here." Brooke said, waving her hand.

"And you.." Haley started. "You just had to pull a tantrum, didn't you."

"Well, what in the hell did you except Haley? You gave no warning, nothing!"

Haley rolled her eyes. "Come on Jaime, it's time for your bedtime." Haley said as she led Jaime to his room, leaving Brooke and Nathan alone.

"You better stay away from him." Nathan said as he left the room.

Brooke rolled her eyes. She hated when Nathan was like this. Lucas's face then came into her head. He looked so... broken. She remembers after he found out his mom died. He had the same expression. The dazed look, the dull gray blue eyes. And now his arm was in a sling, and had a deep scar on his cheek. That Lucas from high school is gone now.

She looked at the front door. She remembered as he left without even looking at her direction. He looked really pale... lost.

And with no second thought, she grabbed her coat and went out the door...

At the bridge...

A scream ruptured, suddenly.

Lucas looked to the direction where it came from. Nothing came into focus, as the screaming continued coming from about a mile away.

"HELP! Somebody please help me!" A woman's voice shouted.

Lucas looked down again, but then started to run to the woman's voice. As he came closer, he saw a woman standing at the edge of the bridge. The rail was broken in half, and as Lucas walked closer he saw a truck in the water.

"What happened!" Lucas shouted through the roaring winds.

"My son...my son is still down there. Please help my son!" The woman sobbed.

Lucas looked down, he couldn't see anything. He took of his jacket, and then jumped into the lake. A sudden forceful impact shot throught his veins. Drowsiness and confusion quickly began to weaken Lucas. As he swam to the car, he saw a dark figure in the back seat. Now, getting inside was the problem. He repeatedly hit the window, trying to break inside. He was at the point of exhaustion. He pushed one more time, and the glass finally broke through. He quickly grabbed the boy, and swam to the surface...

As he reached the top, Lucas took a huge breath. His sight was completely clouded over. Distant screams ringed through his ears, as he carrried the boy. He swam to the dirt patch at the end of the bridge. Sirens could be heard, as Lucas layed the boy on the ground. He bowed his head to see if the kid was breathing. Nothing. Lucas then started to press the boy's chest repeatedly. Nothing. He looked in the distance, and he saw the woman making her way towards him. He could vaguely make out the ambulance behind her. The lights flashing. Red. Blue. Then, he heard something.

The boy suddenly drew in a deep breath. Lucas looked at the boy and frowned, the boy reminded him of something. The boy's big brown eyes stared back at him. Lucas frozed.

"Jimmy! Jimmy!" The woman cried, as she knelt down and held her son. "Thank you. Thank you so much!"

Jesus, this was too weird. Lucas gave a small smile, and nodded. He then got up and slowly walked away. He looked back, and saw the paramedics place the boy into the ambulance, with his mom following. The ambulance quickly drove off, and the sirens silenced. The boy's face ran through his mind. He swore that Jimmy was the same boy he saw that day. He looked up at the sky. Rain coming down harder and harder. But then, he realized what he had just done. He saved a life. A young boy's life. He smiled.

**"The only cure for grief is action." George Henry Lewes.**

He started to walked again, but then paused when he noticed blood on his shirt.

"Shit." Lucas said, as he stumbled and fell. He was now shivering uncontrollably, drowsiness now fully controlled him. Breathing became harder, and harder. A blinding light suddenly came through the fog. He saw as the door flew open against the winds. He saw a figure running towards him, she looked like she was shouting something.

Her voice became silent, and the world began to turn. Blackness took over.

"What Happens When The Heart Just Stops" The Frames (Check them out. Most underrated band today.)

_So what happens when the heart just stops  
Stops caring for anyone  
The hollow in your chest dries up  
And you stop believing_

So what happens when the heart gives up  
But the body goes on living  
The blood crawls to a slow and stops  
And flows away

Well we got no-one to meet  
No love we would beseech  
We only have ourselves to blame for everything  
The was no answer in the dust  
And I'm missing you so much  
And now you're sleeping  
And I'm leaving

Empty-handed waiting  
Time it will subside and we'll agree  
It was a given  
Well there was no standard we could set  
And the world it does regret  
To have to leave you in this state of bereavement

You see I'm feeling everything  
Nothing gets by

There is a hollow in my chest  
The time I won't forget  
There is no comfort in the eyes  
They put us always to the test  
I can't prepare myself for that  
But I work it out in time  
There is a love that flows between us  
Ever-changing everyday  
I worked myself up to a crawl  
But I'm not fearing it at all  
We have no reason left to stay  
And that's why we're leaving  
And there was no answer in the dust  
And the one I feared to trust  
There is a lie that drags us  
Beating and pulling into disappointment

I'm disappointed  
I'm disappointed  
I'm disappointed

It's so late, till you're gone


	6. Gravedigger

Clouds gathered, the sun hidden, but you could still vaguely see the light. Lucas was on his way to Charlotte, North Carolina. His friend Jimmy was from there, and he could never stop talking about people, the town, the buildings, everything. He always said after his tour was done, he would start a family there. Most people thrived to escape their hometown, but Jimmy loved it. Leaving his family behind was one thing Lucas and Jimmy shared. The sleepless nights, thinking about what their loved ones are doing that very second. He constantly wrote letters, spent all of his free time thinking about what to say. How he was glad to be serving his country, but the same time feeling guilty to be still breathing, while his and Lucas's fellow soldiers were gone.

Lucas sighed as the long trip was starting to take a toll on him. Right now, his mind was clouded over by the events that happened last week. He started to feel like he was on a ship, that had been wrecked by a severe storm. Slowly sinking, but still above the surface. Still fighting. Begging for someone to help him, to find him, and take him away. Rescue him. But still, no one is in sight, and hope started to fade. And without hope, and faith, what's left? Just him on the boat, slowly going under, knowing he was going to drown. To die. But maybe that was what he wanted all along. To be... dead. To vanish, without anyone knowing.

Lucas rubbed his neck, where his dogtags used to be. He left them on the kitchen table, of Nathan and Haley's house. He could not really remember what happened after he saved the boy. Just waking up in a room, with Brooke sitting on a chair beside him. Confusion took place, and he panicked. So what every reasonable gentleman would do, he left. It was early in the morning, so no one was up. But just before he left, he looked at Brooke. Lines in forhead, marking stress and worry. He knew he couldn't just leave without anything, so he wrote a thank you note. And he also left his dogtags behind, leaving them on the bed. Giving her a reason about where he's been. He owed her that.

Lucas didn't really know if he would come back. The past events with Nathan and Haley, didn't really go all that well. But he was still blessed for getting to see his nephew. The time he spent with Jaime, is something he will always remember. Then he thought about his job on the boat. He stopped at the docks, just before he left, and told Paul he wasn't sure if he was coming back. But Paul said he's welcomed anytime, so thats another good reason. But can that fix him? Can those two pros help him and cure him? Can Nathan and Brooke cause even more damage to himself? Is it better to stay away, and hide, or live the life you want even with the hardships? All of these questions remained in Lucas's head, beating the life out of him.

It suddenly went away, as he arrived at the welcome sign. He looked at the map, searching for Hays Cemetery, with a sudden sadness creeping in. He found his way to the graveyard, and slowly looked over all the headstones. He walked around, searching for where his friend was buried. He took a deep breath as he came up to Jimmy Alexander Wright written on the headstone. Beloved Son and Brother followed. Lucas walked slowly, and stared at it. His friend, his brother was gone...

"Hey man." Lucas said as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

"You have a...great spot here. Right under a tree... it's beautiful here. I can see why you never shut up about this place." Lucas smiled.

"I uh...finally went home, and saw my nephew. He's a great kid, I wish...I wish you could have met him. He would love that..."

"And...I saw that girl finally. Umm...I didn't exactly talk to her, but uhh..."

Silence...

"Umm..." His voice cracked. "I'm not doing so good man... I need you here...I need you to tell me what to do..." Tears started to fall.

"It should've been me...it should've been me...i'm sorry...i'm sorry." He repeated over and over.

The clouds now turned grey. The sun completely hidden, and the light dissapeared from the grey-blue skies. A black car came from the distance. A girl walked out, with clear sadness in her eyes. Lost. Dazed. She began to walk where she saw a man hunched over. She was confused as the man stood in front of her boyfriend's grave. She slowly walked towards him, but then stopped as she heard sobs.

Lucas head throbbed, as he cried. Dizziness rose, so he straightened up and wiped the tears away. He reached in his jacket pocket and took out a pilot's brevet. He kneeled and placed the brevet on Jimmy's grave. gave it to Lucas for good luck, as Lucas went on a patrol. It belonged to his father, as he was an air force pilot. Lucas slowly stood up and said goodbye.

"I'll try to come back soon. Bye, Jim." Lucas turned away, but stopped as he saw a woman standing in front of him, with tears in her eyes.

"Hi, umm...did you know Jimmy." The woman said.

"Yea...umm I was stationed where he was." Lucas said, trying to think of where he's seen here. Then a sudden image went through his mind, she was the girl in the picture Jimmy carried around. "I'm Lucas."

The woman smiled. "So, you're the Lucas. Jimmy was always writing about you in his letters. I'm sorry, I'm Lindsay, Jimmy's girlfriend."

Lucas smiled."Yeah, I saw you in his pictures. He always carried them around." Silence took over. "I am truly sorry for your loss."

She nodded and smiled. "Thank you. Coming from you, and what you've been through, it means a lot."

Lucas frowned, he knew he didn't deserve her kindness. Guilt washed over him, as he saw her sad eyes. He thought about telling her the true story, about how he bascically was to blame for Jimmy's death. Maybe, it would give her closer, or some kind of escape.

But he couldnt...

"I have to go, but it was a honor to meet you." Lucas said, as he walked away. As he reached the gate, he turned around and saw Lindsay sitting beside the headstone. He sighed, and made his way to the bus stop...

Meanwhile...

"Brooke? Are you ever going to come out? Haley said laughing, as she continued to knock on the door.

Silence.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" Haley asked, now getting worried.

"I'm fine. I'll come out in a few minutes." Brooke said quietly.

Brooke was currently sitting on the chair, holding Lucas's dogtags in her hands. She closed her eyes, as she thought how much she fucked up. Now, she was worried about where Lucas was. Last night, when she found him hunched over on the street, bleeding, she was terrified. Even though she was still pissed about what happened over the years, she still worried about him. And how he left without a word again, but as least he wrote a note this time. Guilt was the main feeling she had, as she thought he was in prison doing drugs or something. Finding out he was in the army, just made her feel like shit.

She sighed, as she controlled herself and walked to the kitchen.

"She's alive!" Jaime said laughing, as he hugged Brooke.

"Yes, I'm still here, sorry to dissapoint Nathan."

Nathan smiled. Then frowned as he noticed her red puffy eyes. Anger grew, as he thought about Lucas.

"Did Lucas do something to you?" He said as he raised his voice.

"Jesus, what the hell is wrong with you. He's your brother." Brooke yelled.

"That bastard is not my brother, Jaime go to your room."

"But Daddy..." Jaime whined.

"Now." Nathan said sternly.

Brooke rolled her eyes, knowing Nathan was going to give her a big lecture.

"Brooke, we've been through this. Why do you still defend him? After what he's done to you, to Haley..."

"I'm not defending for the way he left. I never have. I'm defending him from your accusations that he is some kind of monster. He has never hit nor hurt me physically in any way. He would never do that!"

"Well, tell me why you have been your room all day crying!"

"You want to know why? Huh?" Brooke screamed, as started to choke up. She went to her room and grabbed Lucas's dogtags. She then threw them at Nathan.

"That's why Nathan! We've been treating him so badly, and he was in the fuckin army."

Nathan stared at the dogtags. Guilt reached his eyes. He thought about Lucas's scars, and quiet attitude, he stomach dropped. He sat down, and put his head in his hands.

Haley walked in. "Jesus, whats with all the yelling?" Silence filled the room, as she saw blank expressions on both of their faces. "What's going on?" Silence. "Nathan?"

Nathan paused, but then handed the dogtags to Haley. "Lucas was in the army. That's where he's been." Nathan said quietly.

"Oh my god." Haley said as all the pieces started to fit together. His personality, his scars, it all fits.

"Where is he?"

Meanwhile...

Lucas was on the bus, heading back to Tree Hill. He was going back. In a strange way, after he met Lindsay and saw how much she loved Jimmy, he wanted that. He wanted someone to be at his headstone, crying, wishing he was still alive. He thought that if he died right now, no one would come to his funeral. Maybe Haley, but not Nathan, not Brooke. He wants something to go back to. And that person is Brooke. It has always been Brooke. And he was stupid for leaving her the first, and he wasn't going to make that mistake twice. Even though he is fucked up, and probably will be for a long time, he still wants to be with her. Having her want to be with him is the problem. Opening up to her is the problem. But even with those bumps in the road, there is still that longing for her. And he was willing to try...

Exhaustion finally set in, as Lucas slowly closed his eyes. The blue sky slowly went out of focus...

2 Hours Later...

_"JIMMY! JIMMY!"_

_Lucas looked around frantically, while Jack was losing blood fast. Lucas looked at his hands, the dark red staring back at him._

_He sees the boy. His big brown eyes, the backpack he's holding. The boy stares at Lucas, a little smile showing._

_Boom._

"NO!" Lucas screamed. "No."

People turned around, seeing what was going on. Lucas looked around, dazed. It seemed so real, like he was living through it again. It was so clear, vivid.

"Sit your ass down." The bus driver yelled. "You're scaring the shit out of everyone."

Lucas stared at the bus driver, finally he was coming into focus. "Can you stop the bus. Please."

The bus driver looked pissed, but agreed. Lucas raced out of the bus, and threw up in the bushes. He slowly stood up, and looked in the distance. Now the clear bright skies turned into a dark blue as darkness settled.

"Hey come on! Everybody is waitin for you!" The bus driver continued to yell, not showing any pity.

"Go ahead, I'll walk." Lucas snapped back, and started to walk.

"Suit yourself." And like that, the bus raced off, leaving dirt flying through the thick air.

Lucas sighed, and rubbed his injured shoulder. A cold breeze rushed through, as Lucas wrapped his coat tightly around him. This was so not what he needed right now. He looked up at the sky, stars painted on the now black canvas. Why couldn't he get that image, that horrible image out of his head. It's like no matter where he is, what he's doing, it follows him. It continues to haunt him. Why do the memories you long to forget, are always the ones who stick around. Does someone up there hate him that much, Lucas thought as continued to stare up at the skies.

He was distracted when bright lights came into view, literally blinding him. The car was driving recklessly, but came to slow pace as it came closer to Lucas. The car came to a stop, and to Lucas's surprise the driver was Nathan. It had to be Nathan.

"Hey man, what are you doing out here." Nathan said calmly.

His tone of voice surprised Lucas, as he expected Nathan to run him over or something. He continued to stare.

"Um...do you need a ride?" Nathan said still with the same laid back tone.

Lucas looked around, he knew he had to get it. He wouldn't last another thirty minutes to get to his house.

"Sure." Lucas said and got in the passenger seat, careful not to hit his shoulder.

A usual silence filled the car, except when Lucas told Nathan where to go.

Nathan took a short glance at Lucas, about every minute or two. He saw his brother starting out the window, with a dazed look.

"So...um...Brooke has been worried about you." Nathan said casually, trying to make conversation. "She said that there was some kind of accident or something."

Lucas sighed, not wanting to really talk right now. He still was confused to why Nathan was being nice, but he knew Nathan was trying so he gave a short answer.

"Yeah...there was a...car accident." Lucas replied quietly.

"Are you okay, do you need me to drive you to the hospital."

"No." Lucas replied shortly, he never wanted to go to the hospital again. "It's fine, really."

Nathan gave him a look, knowing his brother never admitted to needing help. But, he let it go.

"This is it. Thanks." Lucas said as Nathan came to his apartment.

"If you ever need anything, you know you can call us at anytime." Nathan said with care in his voice.

Now Lucas was dumbfounded. Just yesterday, Nathan wanted him dead and gone, and now he was the nice guy. Lucas nodded, and quickly went to his apartment, needing a big rest. This past week's events have been really beating him lately, and he just needed to relax. Well, he hoped he could relax. Sleeping was now a fear, as he continued to have nightmares. So, he layed on the couch, refusing to let his eyes close. He turned on the t.v., hoping that it would help keep him awake. He flipped through the channels, and suddenly stopped. What came into view was two soldiers arriving at a door. The door opened and John Cusack appeared.

_"Mr. Phillips, I regret to inform you that Seg. Grace Ann Phillips was killed on March 12th" _

Lucas stared at John Cusack's character, as he completely fell apart. Lucas quickly shut the tv off, wanting that image to go away. He thought about what Jimmy's family has gone through every day. The tears, the hugs, the anger, the helplessness as they tried to explain to their kids. Everyday he sees their faces. Knowing that he made them suffer. Made them hurt. His faced turned blank, and he slowly stood up. He walked to his bedroom dresser. He opened it, and picked up a handgun...

He held it tightly in his hands. His headache returned, as he could now hears screams, and sobs in his head. Flashes of John Cusack's tormented face, blurs of Iraqi's shooting madly, children screaming.

He thought he was getting better. He thought the voices would tune out, as he went home. But they still remain. Letting him know how much pain he has caused, by that one second of hesitation. All the graves that were dug because of him. He is The Gravedigger, the world wanted him gone... and maybe he wanted him gone as well.

The excitement he felt about maybe trying again with Brooke, and spending his life with her was gone. The hope that Nathan was turning around, and they could be brothers again was gone. The joy about spending countless afternoons playing videogames with Jaime, or having deep conversations with Haley was gone. Buried by the countless thought screaming in his brain. Spelling out DO IT. YOU DESERVE IT.

His hands were now shaking uncontrollably. He calmly sat on his chair, bringing out a photo of him and Brooke. Tears streaming down his scarred, broken face. He lifted the gun, holding it to his forehead. He looks at the photo, Brooke's face built into his mind.

"Sorry." He whispered.

15 minutes ago at Nathan and Haley's house...

"Nathan where you've been!" Haley yelled, yanking the milk away from him.

"Sorry. The reason it took so long was because I found Lucas on the street, and I took him home." Nathan said, as he sat on the counter top.

"Is he okay?" Haley asked worriedly, as she stopped cooking.

"I don't know...I really hope so...maybe I should go back, he looked really pale." Nathan said, running his hand through his hair.

"What's going on?" Brooke asked as she came from the bathroom.

Nathan looked at Haley, seeing if he should tell her. Haley nodded, so Nathan told Brooke.

Brooke was silent for a couple seconds, debating on what she should do.

"I'll just go." Nathan said, as he saw Brooke looking hesitant.

"No. I should go, maybe I can talk him into going to a doctor or something." Brooke said, while grabbing her coat.

"I'll go with you."

"No, Nathan. I need to do this alone, it would be better if it was just one of us."

Nathan disagreed, but said nothing. As he watched Brooke leave, he turned to Haley.

"Why didn't you say anything?

"Nathan, sweetie, Brooke needs to do this by herself. She knows Lucas the best out of all of us." Haley said, resuming cooking.

"Okay." After a couple of seconds, he adds,"I'll bet you 10 bucks, she comes back screaming about how I should've gone." Nathan said smiling.

"Oh, really? You're on mister." Haley said, rolling her eyes.

10 minues later...

Brooke followed Nathan's directions to Lucas's apartment. She arrived, and was surprised how much of a dump it was. She sighed as she went inside and asked where Lucas Scott's apartment was. Then she walked to the elevators, with nerves running through her.

"Okay, Brooke. It's gonna be fine. It's going to be great. Great. Wait, why am I getting so nervous. I have a boyfriend for god's sake. A really great boyfriend. Well, he's okay." Brooke mumbled to herself, ignoring the looks from the woman also in the elevator.

The doors opened, and she walked through the blank hallways, searching for 4B...

She found the door, and paused. She took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.

"Lucas?"...

The movie that Lucas saw was "Grace is Gone." I recently just saw it, and it was really fuckin depressing. Good, but depressing.

These are the lyrics for "Gravedigger" by Dave Matthews. Check it out...

_"sirus jones 1810 to 1913  
made his great-grandchildren believe you can live to 103  
103 is forever when you're just a little kid  
so sirus jones lived forever_

gravedigger  
when you dig my grave  
could you make it shallow  
so that i can feel the rain  
gravedigger

mariele stonewall 1903 to 1954  
she lost both of her babies  
in the second great war  
now you should never have to watch  
your only children lowered in the ground  
i mean you should never have to bury your own babies

gravedigger  
when you dig my grave  
could you make it shallow  
so that i can feel the rain  
gravedigger

ring around the rosy  
pocket full of posy  
ashes to ashes  
we all fall down

gravedigger  
when you dig my grave  
could you make it shallow  
so that i can feel the rain  
oh gravedigger

little mikey carson 67 to 75  
he rode his bike like the devil  
until the day he died  
when he grows up he wants to be  
mr. vertical on the flying trapese  
oh 1940 to 1992

gravedigger  
when you dig my grave  
could you make it shallow  
so that i can feel the rain  
oh, gravedigger  
when you dig my grave  
could you make it shallow  
so that i can feel the rain  
i can feel the rain  
i can feel the rain  
gravedigger  
when you dig my grave  
could you make it shallow  
so that i can feel the rain  
gravedigger  
gravedigger"


	7. Funeral Blues

Lucas's Apartment…

Lucas holds the gun to his head. But then… he slowly lowered it.

"Oh come on man, seriously. Jesus, what in the hell do I have to do!" Jimmy yelled, but with a smirk on his face. He sauntered over to Lucas and sat down next to him.

"Hey, man how are you holding up?" Jimmy smeared.

Lucas froze as he saw Jimmy. What the hell?

"Not too good I see, Jesus man when's the last time you took a shower?" Jimmy laughed.

Lucas continued to stare at him.

"Hey man, is that the girl" He pointed to the picture. "Wow, that's some fine looking girl you have there."

"You know what, she kind of reminds of my girlfriend." Jimmy said holding the picture in his hands. "Well I guess now 'ex-girlfriend' since I'm dead and everything."

Lucas looked down. "No, don't fell guilty man. I mean, I'm sure you did everything you could right?" Jimmy smirked, the joy rising as he saw Lucas suffer.

"Well, unless you count that one opportunity. Do you remember Luke? Do you remember that clear shot you had? You had a clear shot, man!"

"But no, you couldn't take it. I mean after all it was just some kid right? A psycho suicidal kid that killed tons of people."

"I'm sorry." Lucas said, rubbing his head, wanting Jimmy to stop.

"You're sorry? You're sorry? Do you know how much pain you've caused? The suffering of widowed wives and fatherless children because of you're mistake. But I guess if you're sorry, then it's okay right? Everything is forgotten?"

Lucas gripped his head, wanted Jimmy's voice to go away. He then heard loud knocking continually on his front door. He just wanted everything to go away.

"Don't you see man, don't you see that the world would be so much better off, if you weren't here. What have you done? What have you've done in your life that was good."

"Come on man, you know you have to do it. In order to make me go away, and the voices to go away, you have to do it. It's the only way to make the pain stop."

Lucas looked at Jimmy, tears running down his face. The knocking seemed to get louder and louder. He raised the gun to his head.

Bang!

Suddenly Lucas's front door busted open, and Brooke practically fell in.

"Lucas? Lucas are you in here?" Brooke looked frantically around the small, dingy apartment. Then her brown, hazel eyes fell on Lucas's figure on the couch.

"Lucas?"

Lucas seemed to just get out of a daze. Jimmy was gone, and he was left with the memory of the tormented spirit.

"Lucas?" Brooke said as she came closer, but then stopped as she saw Lucas holding a gun to his head.

Shock came to her, as she struggled for words. Lucas seemed not to notice her there, as he looked around confused.

"Luke?" She whispered, and suddenly he whipped his head to face her.

"Luke, I need you to put the gun down okay. Just slowly put the gun down."

Lucas continued to stare, wondering if this was also a dream. Confused, as to why she saying something about a gun. A gun?

Lucas then looked down at his hands, and there indeed was a handgun. How in the hell did he have a gun, without even knowing it.

He rubbed his throbbing head, wondering what the hell was wrong with him. He must have been hallucinating. Was the dream he just had, actually real?

Brooke stared him, as he went into a series of confused and dazed looks. He looked at her as if he was dreaming or something. There was something clearly wrong with him.

Jimmy's ranting repeatedly playing in his mind, as his guilt rose.

Brooke then slowly came to him, and kneeled in front of him, so they were at eye level.

"Lucas, can you hear me?"

Lucas unresponsive at first, but then nodded.

"Okay, listen to me. "I need you to slowly give me the gun, okay?"

Silence filled the room for a few seconds before Lucas answered quietly.

"I…I can't"

Brooke slowly reached for his free hand, ignoring the flinch he gave.

"Yes…yes you can. Just hand it to me." Brooke said calmly, as if she was talking to Jaime.

Again silence.

"He said I had to do it. He said…I deserved it." Lucas said quietly.

"Who?" Brooke asked, suddenly angry as to anyone who said that to him.

Lucas hesitated, but then said simply, "Jimmy."

"Who's Jimmy. Look, I'll go talk to him, okay? Now, please (Brooke tightens her grip lightly) please put the gun down."

Lucas shook his head. "No, no…you can't"

"Why not? Look, Luke, just please talk to me. Okay, I'm trying to help (Tears fall down her face)…I'm trying to help you."

Lucas finally looked up at her eyes. "He's…he's dead."

Confusion clearly showed through her eyes. "Then how…?"

Lucas sighed, as he kept looking at the gun. He just wanted it to stop. He couldn't take her looking at him that way. Anger rose inside him, as he saw Jimmy again. Now he was standing right beside Brooke. The smirk on his face tore him inside. He needed it to stop now.

"LOOK BROOKE, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! OK, I CAN'T TAKE YOU BEING HERE, SHOWING UP OUT OF NOWHERE, AND ASKING ALL THESE FUCKIN QUESTIONS! OKAY? WHY IN THE HELL DO YOU CARE ANYWAY? HUH? YOU SHOULD BE FUCKIN HAPPY!

Brooke stayed still, shocked at his outburst. But then anger and sadness seemed to take over.

"WHY DO I CARE? WHY DO I CARE? BECAUSE I STILL FUCKIN LOVE YOU LUCAS! IM SORRY IF THAT MEANS I CARE! ALRIGHT… I WISHED THAT I WISHED YOU DEAD! (Brooke then lowers her voice, but still spoke with meaning) I don't… I can't"

Lucas looks at her, and shakes his head. She says that now. Jimmy now appeared beside him. He leaned into his ear...

"Oh, how sweet. Now, I wouldn't bet that she'll feel the same after she hears about what you did. Come on, tell her Luke. I think she deserves to know. To know how you killed me." Jimmy smirks, and disappears.

Lucas gripped his head.

"Please Luke, please let me help you." Brooke said.

"I killed him. I let him die."

Brooke sighed, again with the cryptic message. She decides to remain silent, as Lucas was finally talking.

"It was when I was on tour. Jimmy was my best friend… my brother. (Lucas voice cracks) We were patrolling a building…and we got attacked. There were tons of them, shooting the hell out of us. Jimmy was fighting them off, where I was helping a wounded soldier. (Lucas pauses) There was a … a boy…that uh…came out of nowhere. He was carrying a package…and…I knew… (Lucas looked at Brooke) you know. So I grab my gun and… (Tears fall) I aimed at him…and I…I hesitated." Lucas then completely broke down, and quickly aimed the gun at his head.

"I deserve this, Brooke. I should have died back there."

"Lucas, please Lucas listen to me. You don't deserve to die, okay? It wasn't your fault. You had every right to hesitate… he was just a kid."

Lucas shook his head, refusing to listen. How could she be okay with this? She was supposed to hate him.

"Please, Luke. What about me? Huh? What am I supposed to do without you? How am I going to tell your nephew who completely adores you, and tell him why you're not at his birthday party? Or Christmas, or when ever? You can't give up. I'll help, Haley will help you, Nathan, and we'll be there for you. Okay? Just please, (Brooke reaches out her hand) give me the gun."

Lucas then avoids her gazing eyes, and looks at the window. The sun now shined, as it appeared out of the dark, grey clouds. The rainbow shined, the vibrant colors painted across the sky. An airplane flew, marking a white path across the now open blue sky.

Can he move on? Will he move on? How can someone move on from all the loss? From all the pain? How can anyone put it behind in their minds, and live a normal life? They can never forget. No matter how much you want to forget. But…can you move on? Will grief or love win the battle? Both strong, and both powerful emotions. But, which one will win?

_"Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone_

_Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,_

_Silence the pianos, and with muffled drum_

_Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come._

_Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead_

_Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead._

_Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,_

_Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves._

_He was my North, my South, my East and West,_

_My working week and my Sunday rest,_

_My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;_

_I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong_

_The stars are not wanted now; put out every one._

_Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,_

_Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;_

_For nothing now can ever come to any good."_

She spoke W.H. Auden's words with such meaning, and sorrow. Tears seemed to never run out, as she walked back to her friends. She looked at the coffin, with so much sadness, but at the same time, with love.

Lucas looked at the woman, and slowly continued to walk to his mother's grave. He hasn't been to her grave in years. Too much pain, which he wanted to bury for life. But now, this time was different. He wanted to face his pain, and finally move on. He stared at the headstone, with the words 'Beloved Mother', and smiled.

"Hey Mom. I know I haven't been here for a while. But I assure you, I'll come back a lot more this time. I have been really, really fucked up when you left. The whole army thing didn't turn out that well either. But now…I'm getting better. And I hope you can see that I'm trying…I'm trying real hard to make you proud of me. That's all I ever wanted. I miss you…I miss you a lot."

He sat down, and told his mom about everything. The good, the bad, but nevertheless the truth.

He stood up, and wiped his jeans as he said goodbye. He started a slow walk to Nathan and Haley's apartment. There were trying to get him to have a make-up dinner, as you might call it. He figured Brooke told them about his… well lets just say bad moment. He couldn't even keep count as to how many calls Haley has made. Leaving about a 10 fuckin messages on his machine, yelling and screaming about how stupid he was. He could always count on Haley to just lighten him up.

He has however not spoken to Brooke yet. Maybe he's afraid, or…well yea afraid to face her again. I mean she saw him at his worst, and could they get put that behind them. He doesn't have that much confidence in that. After he handed the gun to Brooke, he swore that he felt she was going to shoot for a minute or two. Screaming at how fuckin scared she was. But a slight glace of happiness showed, and…that made his day.

He came up to their door, and knocked. Jaime again, answering the door and hugging him.

Haley then came, and gave him one of the kindest displays of affection you can ever get in your life. A hit in the wounded, yes the wounded shoulder with her fuckin huge spatula. Jesus, did she have to hit that hard? She then yelled, then cried, then hugged him for dear life.

Nathan was next, but completely surprised him by hugging him too. Lucas didn't show any pain as his brother hit his now even more wounded shoulder.

"I…we are all glad that you here man." Nathan said, as he let Lucas go.

"Me too, me too." Lucas smiled.

"Come on Uncle Luke, let's go play basketball! Daddy told me you used to play!"

Lucas followed Jaime into the backyard, and started to play. Pretty much he just chased Jaime around the yard. The smile never leaving from his face.

Unknowingly to him, Brook was staring at him from the kitchen window. She didn't want to go up to him yet. I mean, what would you say when you almost witnessed a suicide by your ex-boyfriend. Well, he looked better, I guess. A lot better then when she last saw him. She sighed, as she focused back on preparing the salad.

"So are you going to talk to him, or just stare at him the whole night?" Haley said, moving past her as she got the plates.

"Very funny." Brooke said, rolling her eyes.

"Come on Brooke, at least say hello or something."

"Haley, the last time I saw him he was holding a gun to his head. I'm sorry a hello doesn't really fix that."

Haley sighed, what is it going to take? She then thought of something.

Quickly she went out to the backyard, and ran to Lucas.

Lucas stared at Haley, as she had a mad look to her eyes.

"Haley. What…" He didn't get a chance to finish as Haley pushed him into the pool.

Jaime cracked up laughing, as Brooke and Nathan rushed outside.

"Haley, what the hell? It's like freakin 40 degrees out here." Lucas said, frowning as he started to shake.

"Sorry, I…uh slipped. Here, why doesn't Brooke help you to her room and change, while I fix dinner? Right Brooke?" Haley smiled sweetly.

Brooke glared at Haley. She knew exactly what Haley was trying to do.

"Sure." Brooke mumbled, walking towards Lucas.

Lucas grimaced as Brooke grabbed his bad shoulder. Maybe he should start wearing the sling again, to make people not touch it.

"Sorry." Brooke said, as she saw him cringe,

Brooke led him to her room, and then went to Nathan's room to get some clothes.

Lucas sighed, as slowly tried to take of his shirt. Somehow it proved difficult, as his should was now throbbing like hell. He couldn't get his arm out of the sleeve.

"Here." Brooke said as she came back. She then noticed Lucas's trouble with getting the shirt off.

"Here, let me help you." Brooke said, as she walked towards him,

'No! I've got it." Lucas said forcefully. He didn't want her to see his scars. To scare her off even more, didn't really appeal to him that much.

Brooke sighed, why was he so freakin difficult? "Fine." She walked towards the door, but then stopped when she heard him mumble.

"What did you say?"

"I said, fine. Okay? Happy now?"

Brooke groaned, she was so sick of this. She walked towards him, and helped him take of his shirt.

"Can you…can you close your eyes?" Lucas asked quietly.

"You know, I have seen you naked before."

"Just please." Lucas pleaded.

Brooke reluctantly nodded, as she closed her eyes. But as soon as she did, she opened them. Red scars running down his chest, came into her view.

Lucas groaned, why couldn't she just listen to him? He quickly grabbed Nathan's shirt and put it on, ignoring the shooting pains.

"Lucas…" Brooke started.

"Look Brooke, I don't want to talk about it right now okay? Let's just eat dinner." Lucas said hurriedly as he opened the door.

But as soon as he opened, Brooke slammed it shut.

"No! I want to talk it about now. You do not control the conversation. You can't just end it whenever you want." Brooke yelled, but not too loud.

Lucas sighed, why couldn't she just let it go? He then went back, and sat on her bed.

"So, go ahead…talk" Lucas said simply, ignoring eye contact.

"Why? Why do you have to be so fuckin difficult? Can you just grow up for like a couple minutes here?

Lucas stayed silent. He tried to hide his shaking, as the coldness got to him

"Look Luc, what's wrong?"

Lucas hesitated, "Cold."

Brooke sat next to him, and reached for his forehead. He was burning up.

"You're burning up. Here lay down." Brooke said, as she fixed the pillows.

Lucas complied, and stared at the ceiling. He then turned to her.

"I'm sorry," He said quietly.

"Luke…it's okay. You don't have to apologize for anything."

"Yes I do. I know I hurt you when I left, but you have to understand that I just needed to get away."

"From me?" Brooke asked, hurt in her voice.

"No! (Lucas reached for her hand) Not from you, just from Tree Hill. I couldn't stay here anymore, I…just needed to…go on my own. But I thought about you every day, every night. I even wrote letters…"

"You wrote me letters?" Brooke asked, knowing she never received any contact from him.

"Well…I didn't exactly send them." He mumbled quietly.

"Oh, what were they about." She said now fully interested.

"Nothing, just about the day I had, and missing you. Just stupid stuff."

"Can I see them?"

Lucas would rather die than let her read those embarrassing letters he wrote her. But he saw the joy in her eyes, he couldn't refuse.

"Yea, I guess. They're really embarrassing though."

"Great!" She clapped excitedly; she couldn't wait to read them.

"Yea, great." He mumbled, but happy he made her smile.

"Lucas! Brooke! Time for dinner." Haley yelled.

"Do you feel like eating?" Brooke asked, worriedly.

"Yea, I'll suck it up." Lucas said as he sat up. "Wait Brooke…"

"Yea?"

"I just wanted to tell you that…that…I love you. I never stopped."

Brooke froze, and stared at him.

"I know that doesn't really mean anything after what I did. But, do you think we could ever…I don't know…" He didn't finish as Brooke rushed to him, and knocked him over, as she hugged him. She then pulled back, and kissed him. The kiss turned from genuine, to passionate real fast.

She missed him, he missed her, and it was like a sudden discovery of the one thing you thought you lost a long time ago. The happiness, in which you find yourself as you hold onto that one thing, and promising to yourself that you will never, ever lose it again.

The poem recited at the funeral, was "Funeral Blues" by W.H. Auden

This is the last chapter, and I'm grateful for all the reviews you've written. I just didn't know how to go on with this story. Um...but if you guys want i'll maybe write a follow-up or something.


	8. Author's Note

Author's Note: Hey, I just wanted to let you guys that I found new inspiration, and decided to continue the story. Just today I heard a terrible tragedy on Anderson Cooper 360, in which a soldier in Iraq killed 5 of his men. He was at a medical center, and currently seeking treatment for his mental state. I think this story shows how important is to raise awareness about how our soldiers need more treatment for their post-dramatic stress disorders. This story haunted me, and I realize that it's important to finish this story, and write about how life is after serving at war. I will write about Lucas going to therapy, and how he is coping with the tragedies of war. Please send your comments on this issue, and feel free to give some advice on where you want the story to go. If you want learn more about this story, it's on the incredible website.


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